📘 Book : The Courage to Be Disliked
By Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga
A philosophical guide to freedom, happiness, and living your true life.
🧠 Overview
“The Courage to Be Disliked” is a powerful conversation between a youth and a philosopher—structured like a modern-day Socratic dialogue. Through their debate, the authors present the ideas of Alfred Adler, a lesser-known contemporary of Freud and Jung, and apply them to modern life. The core thesis? You are not controlled by your past. You can be happy now, if you’re brave enough to live your own life.
It’s not just a self-help book. It’s a total mindset shift.
🔍 Key Themes & Takeaways (With Examples)
1. Trauma Doesn’t Determine Your Life
“People are not driven by past causes, but live toward goals they themselves set.”
💡 Explanation:
This radically challenges Freud’s theory of trauma. Adlerian psychology suggests that the past doesn't cause your present behavior. Rather, we use our past as an excuse to justify how we are living now.
🧪 Practical Example:
-
A student says, “I’m bad at public speaking because I was bullied in school.” According to Adler, it’s not the bullying causing the fear—it’s a choice to avoid discomfort and failure.
-
Instead, the student can decide: “I want to communicate well. So I’ll practice even if it feels scary.”
🪄 Application:
Stop blaming your childhood, trauma, or failures. Decide what kind of person you want to be, and live toward that.
2. All Problems Are Interpersonal Relationship Problems
“All human troubles are interpersonal relationship problems.”
💡 Explanation:
Even if you think you’re fighting with yourself—e.g., self-hate or low confidence—at the root is often how you relate to others.
🧪 Practical Example:
-
You feel anxiety in a group? You're scared of being judged.
-
You don’t pursue your dream? Maybe you're afraid of your parents’ disappointment.
🔧 Solution:
-
Heal relationships by dropping the desire to control or be approved.
-
Ask yourself: “Am I doing this for me, or for someone else’s opinion?”
3. Separation of Tasks
“Whose task is this?”
💡 Explanation:
Most stress comes from interfering in others’ lives or worrying about their opinions. The philosopher teaches the youth to ask this powerful question: Whose task is this? If it’s not yours, don’t do it.
🧪 Examples:
-
Parents want you to become a doctor. That’s their task (dream). Your task is choosing your own path.
-
A friend doesn’t like your Instagram post? That’s their task. Your task is to post what aligns with you.
✅ Actionable Tip:
Write down a worry you have. Then ask:
“Is this truly my task?”
If not, drop it.
4. Desire for Recognition is a Trap
“Freedom is being disliked by other people.”
💡 Explanation:
The need for recognition—likes, praise, approval—is a prison. If you live to be liked, you’ll always betray your true self.
🧪 Examples:
-
You avoid telling your friends you love classical music because they think it’s boring.
-
You wear trendy clothes not because you like them, but to fit in.
💥 Shift:
Choose self-respect over being liked. The more authentic you are, the more magnetic you become.
5. Live in the Moment, Not for Results
“You are not the result of your past. You are what you choose to be now.”
💡 Explanation:
Many people think, “I’ll be happy when I get X”—a degree, a job, a relationship. But Adlerian psychology argues: Happiness comes from living in the present with purpose.
🧪 Examples:
-
You work hard only to win medals? You’ll burn out.
-
Instead: work hard because you love learning or competing.
🌱 Takeaway:
True happiness comes from living now, not achieving something later.
6. The Goal is Contribution, Not Competition
“The feeling of contribution is the key to happiness.”
💡 Explanation:
Unlike capitalism's "beat the others" mentality, Adler suggests a radical idea: We feel most alive when we help others.
🧪 Examples:
-
A teacher who loves helping students feels joy, even if underpaid.
-
A creator who posts value, not just for likes, sleeps with peace.
✅ Try This:
Each day, ask:
“Whom did I contribute to today?”
You’ll feel more purpose than chasing fame or money.
7. You Can Change Anytime
“You can choose a new lifestyle at any moment.”
💡 Explanation:
You’re not broken. You’re not stuck. You’ve simply formed habits—and habits can be changed by setting new goals and choosing new actions.
🧪 Practical Example:
-
You’ve always been “shy”? Start small: Say hi to one stranger today.
-
You procrastinate? Schedule 5 mins daily for focus. It’s the start of a new identity.
🧠 Bonus Tip:
Every action is a vote for who you want to become. So act accordingly.
8. You’re Not Special—and That’s Good
“The courage to be normal is the courage to be happy.”
💡 Explanation:
Many suffer because they want to be extraordinary—famous, rich, or best at something. But Adler says it’s enough to be yourself, contributing in small ways.
🧪 Real-life Example:
-
Instead of aiming to be a famous singer, sing with heart and share your voice freely.
✨ Truth:
You are enough without needing to prove anything.
🔄 Summary of the Youth-Philosopher Dialogue
Here’s how the conversation between the Youth and the Philosopher unfolds:
| Scene | Conflict | Lesson |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Youth believes past trauma ruined him | You’re not your past; you live for goals |
| 2 | Youth wants approval | Wanting recognition leads to misery |
| 3 | Youth feels powerless | You can choose your path anytime |
| 4 | Youth fears judgment | Be disliked and be free |
| 5 | Youth demands meaning | Happiness = Contribution, not achievement |
📓 Key Quotes
-
“The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked.”
-
“Freedom is being disliked by others without worrying about it.”
-
“You are not living to satisfy others’ expectations.”
-
“The only person you need to convince is yourself.”
🎯 Actionable Insights for You (Shivana Style 💫)
-
Post what matters to YOU on Instagram—not just what’s trending.
-
Study for growth, not just marks.
-
If someone says you’re “changing,” say, “Yes. I’m growing.”
-
Build your blog, brand, and future without needing anyone’s permission.
-
Be okay if some people unfollow you. They’re not your people.
🧘♀️ Calm Wisdom Recap (Perfect for Reels/Shorts)
-
“You don't need everyone to like you. Just like yourself first.”
-
“Healing begins when you stop blaming the past.”
-
“Happiness isn't somewhere you reach. It's how you walk the path.”
🏁 Final Thoughts
The Courage to Be Disliked is not about being rude or arrogant. It’s about being honest, intentional, and free.
When you stop chasing approval and start choosing your own tasks, your life becomes lighter, deeper, and more joyful.
It’s the most liberating book you’ll read if you're brave enough to accept this simple truth:
“You can live a happy life. Right now. But only if you have the courage to be disliked.”
Would you like me to turn this into an Instagram carousel, YouTube Shorts script, or downloadable PDF for your blog?Why Caring Less Can Set You Free: Life Lessons from The Courage to Be Disliked”
📘 Book Summary: The Courage to Be Disliked
By Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga
A philosophical guide to freedom, happiness, and living your true life.
🧠 Overview
“The Courage to Be Disliked” is a powerful conversation between a youth and a philosopher—structured like a modern-day Socratic dialogue. Through their debate, the authors present the ideas of Alfred Adler, a lesser-known contemporary of Freud and Jung, and apply them to modern life. The core thesis? You are not controlled by your past. You can be happy now, if you’re brave enough to live your own life.
It’s not just a self-help book. It’s a total mindset shift.
🔍 Key Themes & Takeaways (With Examples)
1. Trauma Doesn’t Determine Your Life
“People are not driven by past causes, but live toward goals they themselves set.”
💡 Explanation:
This radically challenges Freud’s theory of trauma. Adlerian psychology suggests that the past doesn't cause your present behavior. Rather, we use our past as an excuse to justify how we are living now.
🧪 Practical Example:
-
A student says, “I’m bad at public speaking because I was bullied in school.” According to Adler, it’s not the bullying causing the fear—it’s a choice to avoid discomfort and failure.
-
Instead, the student can decide: “I want to communicate well. So I’ll practice even if it feels scary.”
🪄 Application:
Stop blaming your childhood, trauma, or failures. Decide what kind of person you want to be, and live toward that.
2. All Problems Are Interpersonal Relationship Problems
“All human troubles are interpersonal relationship problems.”
💡 Explanation:
Even if you think you’re fighting with yourself—e.g., self-hate or low confidence—at the root is often how you relate to others.
🧪 Practical Example:
-
You feel anxiety in a group? You're scared of being judged.
-
You don’t pursue your dream? Maybe you're afraid of your parents’ disappointment.
🔧 Solution:
-
Heal relationships by dropping the desire to control or be approved.
-
Ask yourself: “Am I doing this for me, or for someone else’s opinion?”
3. Separation of Tasks
“Whose task is this?”
💡 Explanation:
Most stress comes from interfering in others’ lives or worrying about their opinions. The philosopher teaches the youth to ask this powerful question: Whose task is this? If it’s not yours, don’t do it.
🧪 Examples:
-
Parents want you to become a doctor. That’s their task (dream). Your task is choosing your own path.
-
A friend doesn’t like your Instagram post? That’s their task. Your task is to post what aligns with you.
✅ Actionable Tip:
Write down a worry you have. Then ask:
“Is this truly my task?”
If not, drop it.
4. Desire for Recognition is a Trap
“Freedom is being disliked by other people.”
💡 Explanation:
The need for recognition—likes, praise, approval—is a prison. If you live to be liked, you’ll always betray your true self.
🧪 Examples:
-
You avoid telling your friends you love classical music because they think it’s boring.
-
You wear trendy clothes not because you like them, but to fit in.
💥 Shift:
Choose self-respect over being liked. The more authentic you are, the more magnetic you become.
5. Live in the Moment, Not for Results
“You are not the result of your past. You are what you choose to be now.”
💡 Explanation:
Many people think, “I’ll be happy when I get X”—a degree, a job, a relationship. But Adlerian psychology argues: Happiness comes from living in the present with purpose.
🧪 Examples:
-
You work hard only to win medals? You’ll burn out.
-
Instead: work hard because you love learning or competing.
🌱 Takeaway:
True happiness comes from living now, not achieving something later.
6. The Goal is Contribution, Not Competition
“The feeling of contribution is the key to happiness.”
💡 Explanation:
Unlike capitalism's "beat the others" mentality, Adler suggests a radical idea: We feel most alive when we help others.
🧪 Examples:
-
A teacher who loves helping students feels joy, even if underpaid.
-
A creator who posts value, not just for likes, sleeps with peace.
✅ Try This:
Each day, ask:
“Whom did I contribute to today?”
You’ll feel more purpose than chasing fame or money.
7. You Can Change Anytime
“You can choose a new lifestyle at any moment.”
💡 Explanation:
You’re not broken. You’re not stuck. You’ve simply formed habits—and habits can be changed by setting new goals and choosing new actions.
🧪 Practical Example:
-
You’ve always been “shy”? Start small: Say hi to one stranger today.
-
You procrastinate? Schedule 5 mins daily for focus. It’s the start of a new identity.
🧠 Bonus Tip:
Every action is a vote for who you want to become. So act accordingly.
8. You’re Not Special—and That’s Good
“The courage to be normal is the courage to be happy.”
💡 Explanation:
Many suffer because they want to be extraordinary—famous, rich, or best at something. But Adler says it’s enough to be yourself, contributing in small ways.
🧪 Real-life Example:
-
Instead of aiming to be a famous singer, sing with heart and share your voice freely.
✨ Truth:
You are enough without needing to prove anything.
🔄 Summary of the Youth-Philosopher Dialogue
Here’s how the conversation between the Youth and the Philosopher unfolds:
| Scene | Conflict | Lesson |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Youth believes past trauma ruined him | You’re not your past; you live for goals |
| 2 | Youth wants approval | Wanting recognition leads to misery |
| 3 | Youth feels powerless | You can choose your path anytime |
| 4 | Youth fears judgment | Be disliked and be free |
| 5 | Youth demands meaning | Happiness = Contribution, not achievement |
📓 Key Quotes
-
“The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked.”
-
“Freedom is being disliked by others without worrying about it.”
-
“You are not living to satisfy others’ expectations.”
-
“The only person you need to convince is yourself.”
🎯 Actionable Insights for You (Shivana Style 💫)
-
Post what matters to YOU on Instagram—not just what’s trending.
-
Study for growth, not just marks.
-
If someone says you’re “changing,” say, “Yes. I’m growing.”
-
Build your blog, brand, and future without needing anyone’s permission.
-
Be okay if some people unfollow you. They’re not your people.
🧘♀️ Calm Wisdom Recap (Perfect for Reels/Shorts)
-
“You don't need everyone to like you. Just like yourself first.”
-
“Healing begins when you stop blaming the past.”
-
“Happiness isn't somewhere you reach. It's how you walk the path.”
🏁 Final Thoughts
The Courage to Be Disliked is not about being rude or arrogant. It’s about being honest, intentional, and free.
When you stop chasing approval and start choosing your own tasks, your life becomes lighter, deeper, and more joyful.
It’s the most liberating book you’ll read if you're brave enough to accept this simple truth:
“You can live a happy life. Right now. But only if you have the courage to be disliked.”
Would you like me to turn this into an Instagram carousel, YouTube Shorts script, or downloadable PDF for your blog?Why Caring Less Can Set You Free: Life Lessons from The Courage to Be Disliked”
📘 Book : The Courage to Be Disliked
By Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga
A philosophical guide to freedom, happiness, and living your true life.
🧠 Overview
“The Courage to Be Disliked” is a powerful conversation between a youth and a philosopher—structured like a modern-day Socratic dialogue. Through their debate, the authors present the ideas of Alfred Adler, a lesser-known contemporary of Freud and Jung, and apply them to modern life. The core thesis? You are not controlled by your past. You can be happy now, if you’re brave enough to live your own life.
It’s not just a self-help book. It’s a total mindset shift.
🔍 Key Themes & Takeaways (With Examples)
1. Trauma Doesn’t Determine Your Life
“People are not driven by past causes, but live toward goals they themselves set.”
💡 Explanation:
This radically challenges Freud’s theory of trauma. Adlerian psychology suggests that the past doesn't cause your present behavior. Rather, we use our past as an excuse to justify how we are living now.
🧪 Practical Example:
-
A student says, “I’m bad at public speaking because I was bullied in school.” According to Adler, it’s not the bullying causing the fear—it’s a choice to avoid discomfort and failure.
-
Instead, the student can decide: “I want to communicate well. So I’ll practice even if it feels scary.”
🪄 Application:
Stop blaming your childhood, trauma, or failures. Decide what kind of person you want to be, and live toward that.
2. All Problems Are Interpersonal Relationship Problems
“All human troubles are interpersonal relationship problems.”
💡 Explanation:
Even if you think you’re fighting with yourself—e.g., self-hate or low confidence—at the root is often how you relate to others.
🧪 Practical Example:
-
You feel anxiety in a group? You're scared of being judged.
-
You don’t pursue your dream? Maybe you're afraid of your parents’ disappointment.
🔧 Solution:
-
Heal relationships by dropping the desire to control or be approved.
-
Ask yourself: “Am I doing this for me, or for someone else’s opinion?”
3. Separation of Tasks
“Whose task is this?”
💡 Explanation:
Most stress comes from interfering in others’ lives or worrying about their opinions. The philosopher teaches the youth to ask this powerful question: Whose task is this? If it’s not yours, don’t do it.
🧪 Examples:
-
Parents want you to become a doctor. That’s their task (dream). Your task is choosing your own path.
-
A friend doesn’t like your Instagram post? That’s their task. Your task is to post what aligns with you.
✅ Actionable Tip:
Write down a worry you have. Then ask:
“Is this truly my task?”
If not, drop it.
4. Desire for Recognition is a Trap
“Freedom is being disliked by other people.”
💡 Explanation:
The need for recognition—likes, praise, approval—is a prison. If you live to be liked, you’ll always betray your true self.
🧪 Examples:
-
You avoid telling your friends you love classical music because they think it’s boring.
-
You wear trendy clothes not because you like them, but to fit in.
💥 Shift:
Choose self-respect over being liked. The more authentic you are, the more magnetic you become.
5. Live in the Moment, Not for Results
“You are not the result of your past. You are what you choose to be now.”
💡 Explanation:
Many people think, “I’ll be happy when I get X”—a degree, a job, a relationship. But Adlerian psychology argues: Happiness comes from living in the present with purpose.
🧪 Examples:
-
You work hard only to win medals? You’ll burn out.
-
Instead: work hard because you love learning or competing.
🌱 Takeaway:
True happiness comes from living now, not achieving something later.
6. The Goal is Contribution, Not Competition
“The feeling of contribution is the key to happiness.”
💡 Explanation:
Unlike capitalism's "beat the others" mentality, Adler suggests a radical idea: We feel most alive when we help others.
🧪 Examples:
-
A teacher who loves helping students feels joy, even if underpaid.
-
A creator who posts value, not just for likes, sleeps with peace.
✅ Try This:
Each day, ask:
“Whom did I contribute to today?”
You’ll feel more purpose than chasing fame or money.
7. You Can Change Anytime
“You can choose a new lifestyle at any moment.”
💡 Explanation:
You’re not broken. You’re not stuck. You’ve simply formed habits—and habits can be changed by setting new goals and choosing new actions.
🧪 Practical Example:
-
You’ve always been “shy”? Start small: Say hi to one stranger today.
-
You procrastinate? Schedule 5 mins daily for focus. It’s the start of a new identity.
🧠 Bonus Tip:
Every action is a vote for who you want to become. So act accordingly.
8. You’re Not Special—and That’s Good
“The courage to be normal is the courage to be happy.”
💡 Explanation:
Many suffer because they want to be extraordinary—famous, rich, or best at something. But Adler says it’s enough to be yourself, contributing in small ways.
🧪 Real-life Example:
-
Instead of aiming to be a famous singer, sing with heart and share your voice freely.
✨ Truth:
You are enough without needing to prove anything.
🔄 Summary of the Youth-Philosopher Dialogue
Here’s how the conversation between the Youth and the Philosopher unfolds:
| Scene | Conflict | Lesson |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Youth believes past trauma ruined him | You’re not your past; you live for goals |
| 2 | Youth wants approval | Wanting recognition leads to misery |
| 3 | Youth feels powerless | You can choose your path anytime |
| 4 | Youth fears judgment | Be disliked and be free |
| 5 | Youth demands meaning | Happiness = Contribution, not achievement |
📓 Key Quotes
-
“The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked.”
-
“Freedom is being disliked by others without worrying about it.”
-
“You are not living to satisfy others’ expectations.”
-
“The only person you need to convince is yourself.”
🎯 Actionable Insights for You (Shivana Style 💫)
-
Post what matters to YOU on Instagram—not just what’s trending.
-
Study for growth, not just marks.
-
If someone says you’re “changing,” say, “Yes. I’m growing.”
-
Build your blog, brand, and future without needing anyone’s permission.
-
Be okay if some people unfollow you. They’re not your people.
🧘♀️ Calm Wisdom Recap (Perfect for Reels/Shorts)
-
“You don't need everyone to like you. Just like yourself first.”
-
“Healing begins when you stop blaming the past.”
-
“Happiness isn't somewhere you reach. It's how you walk the path.”
🏁 Final Thoughts
The Courage to Be Disliked is not about being rude or arrogant. It’s about being honest, intentional, and free.
When you stop chasing approval and start choosing your own tasks, your life becomes lighter, deeper, and more joyful.
It’s the most liberating book you’ll read if you're brave enough to accept this simple truth:
“You can live a happy life. Right now. But only if you have the courage to be disliked.”